Waiting on a Sunny Table

Waiting on a Sunny Table

Once upon a time, my aunt and uncle, Ted and Janet Owens, treated me to lunch in a restaurant along the Pennsylvania Turnpike. We were promptly seated and quickly approached by our smiling waitress. “Hello,” she said. “I’ll be your server.”

“Hello back,” Ted replied. “I’ll be your eater.”

Which inspired me to survey the members of my family who had served as waitresses or waiters, asking them for their most memorable encounters with customers. Here they are, or are not.

“Hello! How are you doing?” Laura asked. “What can I get you to drink?”

“Burn in hell.”

“Hello. My name is Molly and I’ll be your server this evening. What can I get you to drink?”

“Your mother never loved you.”

 

“Hello, my name is Brett. What can I get you to drink?”

“You have some nerve asking me a question like that.”

 

“Hello. My name is Stacey. Can I get you a beverage?”

“I really loved you in Castaway.”

 

“Hi. My name is Deke. Would you like something to drink?’

“Eat yourself out of house and home. Go ahead.”

 

“Hello. My name is Duane. I’ll be your server tonight. What can I get you to drink?”

“I don’t have to answer that.”

 

“Hello. My name is Laura. It will be my pleasure to serve you this afternoon. Can I get

you something to drink?”

“Don’t you know that people are starving not far from here?”

 

Hello. My name is Molly. It’s nice to have you here. Would you like something to drink?”

“I’ve never heard anything more insulting in my life.”

 

“Hi there. My name is Brett. Can I get you something to drink?”

“Your dog hates you.”

 

“Hello. My name is Corinne. It will be my pleasure to assist in your selections tonight. Can I get you something to drink?”

“Shoo. Be off with you.”

 

“Hello. My name is Deke. Can I get you a beverage?”

“Is this some kind of joke?”

Finally, from the Magic City in the Heart of Dixie in the bosom of Alabama, here’s what a waitress once said to me.

“Good evening. My name is Floss. I’ll be your server tonight on this first ever February 30th.”

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4 thoughts on “Waiting on a Sunny Table

  1. Loved your use of each member of your GREAT family, Jack! Going up to VA Tuesday to help Natalie in ANY way possible. Somehow everything WILL fall into place and Natalie will be stronger and happier without this monster In her life. How I yearn for Bob’s Decisive leadership right now! Hugs, Didi

    Sent from my iPhone Didi

    >

    Like

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